The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
