i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
