i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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