this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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