Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
