guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
