Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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