I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
