Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
