i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
