Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
