i may or may not be watching the land before time
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
