hotel room ftw
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
