I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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