Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
