Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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