Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
