haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
