i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
