Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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