She said her name was "party"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He shit in the fireplace
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
