i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sober January is a disaster.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
