I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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