To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
