Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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