Your dad touched me again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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