Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
