I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
