Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
