So drunk its hurt
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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