Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
