It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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