pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
