R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
