Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
