i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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