1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're too hungover to prance.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
