I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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