Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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