Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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