i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
