you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
