she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
