haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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