Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
