in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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