i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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