I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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