Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
