I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I smell stomach acid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
